Losing friends via divorce...

Never, did I EVER think it would happen to me. My friends were CLOSE.. I mean like SISTERS to me. They saw my wounds from a loveless marriage. They endured the pain with me.. they consoled me.. they empathized.. they AGREED that I had to get out. I had three sister-like friends - closer then close.. people I thought I would know well into my 90's. One I had known for almost 30 years, another for 20 and the final 'sister-friend' I had been inseparable with for 10 years. We experienced so much together - growing up.. getting married.. having babies.. having marital issues.. and yes, I was the only one who went through with leaving. Biggest balls in the bunch! And lovingly, they would have agreed with that sentiment. Out of these three sister-friends.. only one now remains. Sad.. isn't it.. people told me that would happen and I still didn't believe it could be.

These sister-friends knew my pain inside & out. They knew that my spirit would endure all that would come with regards to leaving my marriage. They clearly saw it.. everything that was so wrong. I dug deep, I saw a very bright light at the end of the tunnel and I knew the ones I loved most would be there waiting for me and seeing me through. And now.. there is one..

Then two sister-friends turned their backs once I was out.. once the dust had settled and I had moved on with my new life - and they saw that I was happy.. that I was decent towards my ex-husband.. that I was making the best life for my children and myself.. THIS is when they turned. Were they jealous that I got out and bettered my life as I said that I would??? Were they unable to accept that I had a new man who was everything I'd dreamed of?? Those who know me best know that I love intensely, that I am all-giving.. but cross me and cut me one too many times and I will never give you a second thought. I do expect to get what I give.. and you know what, we all should.. I expect the people I allow to get THAT close to be there for me as intensely and loyally as I would be for them. Why should there be any exceptions to that?

I can say, with everything I have been through.. I do not harbour any regrets. I hold my head high and still feel that burning spirit inside that will carry me through. For those who choose to judge me or cause me pain.. I know you will feel the void of my friendship. It will be a lesson.

And now, I hold tightly and ever more appreciatively to my closest friends.. I keep faith in myself that I will live my best life without allowing negative opinions to influence me.. and be proud that I've found the strength to do so.

So, if you find you are a friend of someone who is enduring separation or divorce.. listen.. be supportive.. it's THEIR life.. and you are their friend.. treat them as you would want to be treated and supported in return. Opinions and judgements aside - however, that's a recipe for a good friendship regardless of what one may be going through.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=9467&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=7&GT1=26000

Email your questions.. ask my opinion.. comment.. subscribe ;o)

Cheers xo!

Divorced.. and I still believe in happily ever after...

I've been separated for about 2 years now. It was a testament to keeping my faith in deserving the ~happily ever after~ I've always believed was possible. It's a part of my fundamentals, keeping a hope that *truly happy* is a real concept, it does exist.. and that I would have that in my life.

Speak to anyone who initiated a separation or divorce.. it's not about 'giving up' or 'throwing in the towel' - it's about fighting to save yourself. There are so many people who are not strong enough to muster the internal strength it takes to get out of a bad marriage/relationship. When you resign yourself to staying in a situation that is unhappy, survival mode kicks in and many people become mere shells of what they once were... now just going through the motions... stuck.

Losing my Mother at a young age has given me an internal drive that is 'all too aware' that life is much too short & for what little time we have, we owe it to ourselves to make the most if it. I left my marriage with two young children in tow. I was well aware that being a shell of myself in my marriage would only lead me to being a shell of a mother too - survival mode does that to a person. I knew I deserved better, I knew my children deserved better... and the stirring inside of me *believed* that 'happily ever after' existed... that we are all capable of attaining it.

Many people become jaded and lose faith in the 'happily ever after' scenario when they've endured the pain of divorce. That is a warranted stance - however, at some point if you want to have a genuinely happy relationship in your life again - you have to leave those negative connotations in your past. After all, no one would expect you to remarry your ex - and most would hope that you'd find someone that made you *believe* once again.

Enduring the pain of divorce warrants it - you can endure! Moving on from divorce means truly accepting the vulnerability and believing you can trust your happiness once again with a new person. No one can predict what tomorrow will bring - but don't you think, believing it will be happy - might just make today's outlook a little more enjoyable - then anticipating repetitive doom. Yeah... exactly!

Cheers xo!

The dating game...

Ever since I can remember I've been *relationship girl*.. I was never interested in the mind games that I believed dating encompassed. In fact, since I was 16 I've pretty much gone from relationship to relationship. Not for fear of being alone but just because I was *good* at it. I always took into consideration what would make my bf's happy. I wanted to be that gf that made the person I was with, only want to be with me. I wanted to meet the right one, and enjoy being together from then on. From the instant I entered into a new relationship I wore my heart on my sleeve. There were no 'fronts' no 'impression stages' I put myself out there and I gave it my all, and that seemed to work. Thing is, not everyone I ended up with had the same intentions - however, that's something you don't realize until it's usually too late. I still think it's better to emerge having learned a lesson then completely wasted your time in the first place. I suppose that's all about the perspective you take.

One, I realized after accepting a proposal, another I realized after marriage and two young children.. Now that I'm older and wiser.. I find I see things even more clearly. It wasn't the wrong decisions, it was simply the wrong people. The very thought of head-games that so many 'daters' play makes me nauseous. At this stage of the game, I can say I HAVE LEARNED... I am a giver - and it's all or nothing with me.. I haven't changed much since I was a young girl - only my receptors have changed - making me more aware of what's out there and what truly makes me happy. My gut instinct says that dating is a waste of time, you learn the most about what you want and who 'works' with you when you are in a more exclusive, deeper relationship. This is when inhibitions are cast aside and you can establish what is REAL.

It is completely risky to be unguarded.. but at least it's true. I've read too many articles where they advise the girl to 'play hard to get'.. 'act aloof' to cause the man to 'chase' you. Or tips for men that suggest he 'play the bad boy' or 'cater to her every whim' - if that's not YOU.. why BOTHER??

Compromising or working together in a relationship is always beneficial.. but start that relationship off being truest to yourself first. The right person, the person you will enjoy being with most will be the one who takes you as you are - and won't cause you to feel you are taking a gamble or risk or feel as though you're being played.

It's a jungle out there - if you find a good one - hold on tight!

Cheers xo!

Do you still get that *rush* of attraction when you look at your mate??...

Of course that's how it starts.. that initial attraction that seems to set off fireworks. The electricity of early attraction that is all encompassing. Hopefully after being together for a while in a relationship you are still attracted to one another ~ many are not. If you still have the attraction, that's good.. but my question is.. are there still moments when you glance over and still have the *fire* inside that you initially had for your mate.

Of course, it's unrealistic to think that every single time you happen to have your long time mate in your view that you will continually be thinking of that ~heat~ but do you still catch yourself.. In those moments when you take a look, when they are unaware of your gaze.. do you still think 'oh yeahhhhhh'... If you do have those moments of desire for one another that's a step ahead of most people in long term relationships I'd say. Too many people settle into the dreaded comfort zone and ignore that the fires still have to be tended to, to keep the flames burnin'. It's risky to assume that any of those feelings of attraction are to be taken for granted.

Take time to gaze at your partner.. how does it make you feel? If you carry the feelings of attraction and desire forward in your relationship.. if they are lasting.. you've got a good thing going..

Next step, make sure you *show* your mate how attracted u still are... and enjoy!

Cheers xo!

Foreplay... NO, dinner reservations are NOT required and YES a woman should initiate as well...

To me, foreplay begins when the kissing increases your heart-rate or sexual contact of some kind is made. However, one good kiss or one quick *squeeze* doesn't cut it - it's the continual sexual contact preceding penetration.

This is not about being wined & dined.. although those things are nice and can help to 'set a scene' - is this an effort that ONLY a man should make? Any effort of this sort should be about enjoying your time together - it should never be a requirement for sex or considered as necessary foreplay.

I once heard a reference by a man that he put in the 'required 20 minutes of foreplay'... mmm.. fun.. contrived.. time filling.. hardly tempting. Who TIMES these things??? Really??? And if a guy is thinking it's 'required' instead of 'desired' then he's the one likely doing all of the 'work'. Truly, if he was enjoying the b.j. of his dreams, I doubt he'd notice whether it was a 10 minute jobbie or a 30 minute jaw breaker ;o) Both parties have to make an effort here... at the same time, NOT keep score. Foreplay's purpose is to induce arousal - for both of you.

Some days the foreplay might seem wonderfully endless if you have hours to spare.. other times, when you're hurried, a french kiss and sliding into home may be what the moment calls for. Point is.. if foreplay is planned - it's not going to be as enjoyable for either of you. If you are with a partner who won't put in the effort that you desire... try giving that effort first (giving what you get) and see if you 'get' in return.. if not, that may tell you something. Touching and warming up should be 'interactive' not simply reactive on either side.

Foreplay is not doing the dishes for her or not complaining when he goes golfing. It's when none of those things are even on your mind. It is well beyond that.. When you're in the zone.. the tip of the ice burg.. the pre-game.. if you will.

So, get creative - enjoy finding the spots that make your partner's toes twitch ;o) *give what you get*.... and hopefully there's more 'gettin' in your future!

I'd love to hear your comments or answer questions for advice chicktidbits@live.ca

Cheers!!

Although extended love play is by far superior.. there are times when a *quickie* can be very HAWT!!!

...and I'll tell you why. Although there are women out there who seem to prefer a 'quickie' in order to 'get it over with' - this is one chick who does NOT like the ~odd~ quickie for THAT reason.

I like a quickie every now and again because I LOVE knowing that my man is so turned on with me that he simply cannot take it much longer - THAT is a HUGE turn on for me. Knowing the man I'm with is so into it with me. It makes me feel sexy, powerful and totally in control of his 'losing control'. Quickies are also not that bad if your woman knows how to achieve orgasm quickly as well. Quickie doesn't mean 'no O for her'. I also think quickies are also best entered into with both parties being AWARE that it's likely to be a 'quickie' - in order to not disappoint.

Of course, the all time favourite is sex that happens at the end of a day full of flirtation & inuendo. Build up can be so enticing!! The point is - MIX IT UP - don't do the same routine, throw in a little spice, a little unpredictability, bring out the ~MEOW~...

Comments welcome!! Here's hoping there's a little quickie or a prolonged sweat-fest in your near future too ;o)

Cheers xo!

What a great idea... pre-date prior to pre-nup agreement

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7533&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&GT1=26000

Ahhh if we only got what we paid for huh? Pre-nups protect you once you've decided to divorce.. how about a contract that arms you with 'guaranteed expectations' before you even have to 'think' about the big D. I don't know if I particulary agree with this guy's article as he seems to elude to 'signing on the dotted line' before you even begin dating. I'd say, once you decide you're exclusive.. how about a 'relationship contract' - DEAL OR NO DEAL! Length of the contract can vary, 6 months - 10 years.. whatever you agree to. Think about it, isn't that a great deal for BOTH parties? You state your expectations and deal breakers before wasting any valuable time. Bonus is, if you cannot agree from the 'word go' then consider yourself informed & decide to put up with your differences or get out of jail FREE and before your parole date lol!

Even if you and your 'exclusive partner' decide to enter into this agreement, for purely entertainment purposes - I tend to think you just MAY discover otherwise unknown information about each other's likes/dislikes regarding a long term relationship.

Always best to know upfront I say... If I order a cosmopolitan - I sure as hell don't want an Export!!! If we can agree to both enjoy the flavour of a strawberry daquiri - well then... "hello, 'I'm chick in heels' by the way..."

Comment on your thoughts..

Cheers xo!

Shaking my head at an article I just read.. Guys, you really want to know how to approach a woman.. start with THIS read..

Okay, so consider this just an 'initial' touch on the subject. I found myself reading an article this morning about a 'self proclaimed expert' giving dating advise to men. LET ME SAY THIS... I can only hope and PRAY that it doesn't take the men who subscribe to such teachings, too long to realize they've wasted valuable time and money. Take a look at the link for the 'advise' I'm referring to - and then remind yourself, NEVER to do these things.

http://www.torontosun.com/News/TorontoAndGTA/2008/04/13/5272201-sun.html

Alright, now that sad mess is out of the way.. let's get down to business. First of all, I believe men need to be comfortable in their own skin. In my humble opinion, a man who isn't being true to himself isn't putting his BEST self forward - for example.. The guy who dresses up to go 'clubbing' - is that REALLY what he likes to wear? Don't get me wrong, you should go out looking and feeling YOUR best - as long as that is truly YOU. Most girls are quite pleased to meet a guy in a clean (untorn) shirt and jeans. Think about it.. isn't it the same for guys? Don't you find women who are a little more 'relaxed' and at ease with their choice of clothing more approachable then those in the fish net stockings, bustier style tops and heels to the gills?? Yeah.. just remember relaxed and approachable can be stylish if done right. Please, save yourself from the skin-tight fitted tops - really. So, it's somewhere in the middle - avoiding the old running shoes with shreaded laces.. but also not having the latest 'teen fad' names on your clothing. Wear what best (key is *best*) represents you.

If we're talking the bar scene I suggest taking a 'give it a shot' and 'be yourself' plan. If you have spotted someone you find appealing (because you won't know if you like them until they speak) become a part of their line of vision. Make some eye contact.. not enough to be scary, but enough so they know you are 'noticing' them. If you have a drink in hand and you get a smile or look in return - give a smile back, a little 'cheers' signal - I can't say exactly 'what to do' because every situation is different - but you can take this to the bank - if she keeps smiling - she's also intrigued by you. Whether or not you end up dancing near her so a conversation can start.. or find yourself ordering a drink beside her at the bar.. be nice, be easy.. ask an open ended question 'is that a good drink?' - TRUST ME, you'll know by the answer you get whether or not you've got an opening. And.. if you don't.. guess what, don't waste your time - NEXT!! - Keep that chin up, because there will ALWAYS be a NEXT ;o)

Remember, a girl who indicates she wants you to buy her a drink - is use to that. A girl who is of any worth DOESN'T require that to spend time with you. See how long the girls stick around when you just make conversation instead of buying drinks. If you get a good chat going - by all means, buying a drink is kind - but don't over-do it, one is enough. Conversation BEFORE drinks, not drinks before conversation.

If you are at work it's a little easier.. you can always talk about 'work' and make mention of some great movie you just saw or want to see or something about yourself (not TMI tho lol!!). You'll know quickly if she wants to know more about 'you' or if the convo remains work focused.
Meeting people can happen anywhere.. it's all about tossing the nerves aside and just striking up a conversation. How would you talk to a new person at work or someone new you meet on your hockey team? Talk the same way to a woman - because that's who you really are - women can see through 'attempts to impress' like glass - and quite frankly, it's tacky. Besides, being yourself makes you more likely to meet someone who you can genuinely enjoy - without that useless 3 month 'I'm impressing you stage' bull shit. Nothing sucks more then feeling duped. And most of the chicks flaunting it at the clubs end up not being all that you may think they are cracked up to be anyway... save yourself ;o)

Go to places that you enjoy.. hockey games.. concerts.. etc. The possibility of finding someone with similar interests is always better that way. Plus, you won't be 'LOOKING' or trying so much.. at the same time you do things that you like - which will make you happy - and attract people to you in itself.

Wow.. was that a rant or what?? Questions, advise, comments are always welcome chicktidbits@live.ca

Signing off in stilettos!

Does the frequency in which a woman shaves her legs indicate her sex drive?

Ahhhh... made you think did I? Let's see... I believe, a woman who wants to have sex is going to 'display' her signals in many ways - one of which is making sure she's got the pits'n'legs - and any other unmentionables in GO mode ;o)

How many women do you know who would like to consider themselves 'comfortable' in their relationships? By 'comfortable' I somewhat mean 'taking it for granted'.. do they bother to look good even when they are at home.. are they the classic sweat-pants-wearing, hair in a pony tail, ungroomed type who doesn't feel they have to give signals. Do they jump into pajamas right after work - (ohhhhhh mood setting wouldn't ya say?) - and back to my point - do they bother to shave their legs regularly? I'm guessing, THIS would be the woman who 'apparently' falls into the category of 'the norm' who is less interested in sex then catching up on the latest episode of Dancing with the stars. (although I tend to believe how a man moves on the dance floor directly correlates to his bedroom rhythmic capabilities - but that's for another blog!!!).

Now, the girl who ensures she's clean shaven - here, there, and everywere - likely also puts the effort into other areas. She likely owns AND WEARS thongs, she has pajamas that are actually comfortable AND sexy (yes, those DO exist!!). What do all of those razor blade ads have to say - TOUCHABLY smooth - so yes fellas, this kinda chick WANTS you to touch... Just a tid bit from an 'insider' which is 'hopefully' where you'll end up ;o) *catch that???*

So, here's my thinking - let's say the girl you are with shaves her legs once or twice a week - I am willing to bet - that she is not as likely to be interested in sex as the girl who is a daily shaver - who wants the possibility of having those touchable legs TOUCHED by YOU!

I'm guessing my theory does not apply to the 'free-spirited-burn-ur-bra-earth-tree-love' types.. then again - enter that one at your own risk fellas ;o)

Thoughts??? Opinions???

Questions??? Email me at chicktidbits@live.ca

Cheers xo!!

Is sex the MOST important part of a relationship??

My initial reaction to this question.. OF COURSE!!! But, it's not as 'easy' as merely saying YEAH IT IS.. it's the fact that SEVERAL things need to be happening between the couple in order for sex to even occur.

Let's face it, if you are angry at one another or annoyed, sex ISN'T going to happen. If you are no longer in love with one another, then sex just may not seem worth it as the 'feeling' of what makes sex SO GOOD is simply not the same. And the reasoning goes on... This said, having sex is the ONE THING that will connect you as a couple above everything else. It's what sets you apart from the closeness you share with anyone else. If you are sharing intimacy you are sharing MORE then you realize. It's the basis for a healthy relationship. And, in my experience.. if you are not having much sex.. there IS indeed something to worry about. I believe, no matter what, one of the parties DOES want to be having sex - whether it's with you, is where the concern lies.

If you are having sex, it means you like one another, it means you can stand being together, it means you are attracted to one another, it means you are intimate, it means that you are spending 'couple' time together... NOW, think about your friends who are in relationships - can they all say that they have those 'aspects' covered?? If they are having regular sex (meaning 2-3 times a week) then they are doing well & better then average I'd say. Those who believe (choose to be) too tired for sex, not in the mood or find that other things need to come first - are likely falling into a pit of avoidance which leads to so many other issues.

What do you think is the most important part of a relationship?

Thanks for the read!! Cheers xo!

a new experience...

Hmm blogging huh? Why not? In fact, why the F not? I mean.. the MAJORITY of the online articles I read, I find I am shaking my head at. I find my opinions don't conform to their drivel. I've got enough life experience thus far to *smatter* some of it around and see what others have to say about it.... Afterall, I can't be the only one out there like me ;o)

I'm in my early 30's and have the experience of marriage, children, separation, relationships 'before AND after' u know better lol!!.. Exciting huh? Thing is, I don't feel I conform to the ways that SO MANY women are catagorized into. I have a fantastic boyfriend who I have a very exciting relationship with... It's amazing how we partake in all of our bedroom escapades!! I am cursed with a devilish sense of humour.. I can share thoughts on marriage, relationships, sex, sex and more sex... (one of the may topics I feel I don't conform to the 'norm' with, regarding how us chicks are portrayed as not LOVING it!.. I'm here to say WHA???). I can speak of style - as a girl who just may have been born wearing heels, topics such as children and the such.. So, since so many of us are touched by these things, why not BLOG?!? - BLOG ON I say ;o)

I am going to initially focus on the all time favourite subject of sex.. I encourage comments or emails with questions on the topic.. I feel I have a 'different' opinion then most that just MAY make ya think!

Hope u enjoy.. cheers!