A little somethin' new to think about...

Welcome to the blog of a chick who feels best while strutting in heels ;o)

Friday, May 22, 2009

Fucking vs. soul sharing....or maybe BOTH!!!

I believe there are two general ways to have sex... 1. is fucking and 2. is soul sharing/love making... Clearly the latter describes someone you are deeply connected to and the emotions are so intense that the physical act of sex is merely reactionary to your feelings. Fucking is a little more obvious - it's raw - it's kinky - it's a basic animalistic urge... It's about getting OFF!!! ;o)
So look upon your sexual experiences past. I'll bet there was likely more fucking than love making no? Perhaps you didn't know it in the moment but looking back I'll bet most of us can admit that. I figure it all depends on whether love or being horny is affecting your brain at that particular moment. I know some of us have been guilty of letting our cravings affect our decisions too lol! (Admit it, I'm not alone!!!!!!)

What is ideal however, is when you find a partner who will indulge in the full spectrum with you. One who will love you when you need to feel loved and fuck you when you need to get fucked ;o) If you are lucky enough to have a multi-skilled partner you will find you CAN have both facets in one session - which of course is complete utopia!!! You'll know it when you have it. The tenderness that comes from the soft kisses, slow caresses, loving eye contact and gentle grinds... That's the meaningfulness of soul sharing or love making. I like to start off that way (sometimes) but the tables tend to turn when the excitement in my body takes over... Then it's time for fucking ;o) Taking your partner on with no remorse, no mercy just hard core. Switching up positions, sweat dripping all over your bodies, no inhibitions just crazy stuff!!

I have enjoyed and experienced both. Some partners got to see one side of me more than another. The fine mix comes with the partners who you can do both with. Share love, fantasy, kink and passion with. I think you can truly only fully enjoy both when you are with someone who you completely feel safe with - you can't really give your ALL otherwise.

Run along, fuck, make love... go for gold and play both sides ;o) When sex is fun and loving it's the best of both worlds!!

Vote above, comment (keep em' coming!!), subscribe, email me your topic suggestions PLEASE to chicktidbits@live.ca ...and of course, come (back) often!!!

Cheers my furry friends xo!


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The two sides of jealousy...

I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying ‘jealousy is a wasted emotion’... well, maybe – but it certainly IS a powerful one when it is present. Some people pay no attention to jealousy and never seem to feel it themselves. If you are one of those people, consider yourself lucky but keep reading – as you are likely the minority and if you’ve had any relationship experience you have probably encountered jealousy even if that emotion isn’t initiated by your own feelings.

I take ownership of the fact that I have jealous tendencies. Even my astrological sign of Taurus suggests I am the jealous type – yeah, sometimes. I believe there are several things that fuel jealousy. Jealousy is ultimately stemmed from passion – passion for another person – raised emotions – fear – insecurity – longing – anxiety – low self esteem... Yes, all of these are true. I believe jealousy can also be a situational result.. in other words, an effect that can be triggered or has an initial cause. For me, jealousy comes out of the protective nature I have towards someone I care immensely for. It comes from the fear that something could ever take that away from me. It’s that sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you’ve had bad relationships before and then find someone you feel is amazing, fear of losing them can overwhelm any rational thought. OR, if you are like me and have previously experienced a great loss – you may be able to relate to the anxiety that goes along with losing those you are closest with – because you already know how crippling that pain can be.

The jealous kind are seeking reassurance.. Even if you have jealous tendencies, I believe if you are in a happy situation that will ultimately prevail and give you the confidence and security to overpower any jealous fears. Even the best of relationships can face situational jealousy. I always say, one of the best ways to think about your partner is to always aim to make them feel like the most important person in the room – in your life. The reason why I feel there are two sides to jealousy is that most jealousy does not evolve from nothing. If you know your partner is the jealous type are you willing to invest in reassuring them? If so, are you doing all that you can to alleviate the fear? Do you build them up and make them feel strong and confident with you? On the other hand, if you are the jealous one can you own up to that? Do you know how to take a step back and pull yourself out of the disaster thinking? Are you willing to be open about your feelings with your partner so that you can understand and appreciate each other’s needs? If you can work together, then you are ahead of the game.

Jealousy can bring a lot of tension to a relationship. One side fears a broken heart and the other side feels untrustworthy... If the couple can recognize that neither of these two views are true then that is the beginning of working together to stay strong. Ultimately taking the position that you want to be supportive of one another and loving to each other should take precedence over taking a defensive stance. Focus on what is helpful, on what will make you stronger and maybe jealousy will be kept at bay.

Never take what you have for granted, tomorrow is not as important as now. Vote on the poll, email me your suggestions for topics or questions to chicktidbits@live.ca comment, subscribe and come back often!!

C xo

Monday, May 4, 2009

Online dating... how to get started

Setting things up...

Before you begin, I suggest you create a new email address – one that protects your anonymity and gives you control. This is a safeguard to keep your regular email address safe from creepies that you may not want contacting you.

Rule number one – do NOT give out any personal information right away.

Chances are you will have to pick a nickname or ‘login name’ for your dating site – take a moment when considering this – (as stated before, do not give out your name yet) what will your nickname SAY about you?? After all don’t pick ‘busty Betsy’ if you aren’t so busty – if you falsely represent yourself you only set yourself up for failure... Not to mention if you care about who you are to attract and what characteristics they will decipher from your portfolio. Don’t pick “lonely heart” if you don’t want to come across as desperate. Try to keep it light – maybe consider what your hobbies are – like “Hockey girl” for example.. that can also make for a great starting conversation maker when you are contacted by someone.

Clarify what you are looking for up front – if you want something with long term potential say so, if you are looking to casually start dating again – again – be upfront.. State some of your basic likes and dislikes when it comes to dating & relationships. You may value loyalty, you may prefer a non-smoker..

List your hobbies... things you enjoy doing on a date maybe... your idea of fun!!

Most dating sites will tell you that posting a picture will generate a lot more responses. I say, go for no photo at first and see how that goes. Maybe once you have comfortably established some chat with another person you can specifically send them your photo without having it out for public display.

If you are comfortable going the photo displayed route then ensure you are using an accurate depiction that is CURRENT. Thing is, you should expect the same in return as well. I once heard a suggestion where you have the person hold up today’s paper when sending you a photo of themselves lol!! That’s not that bad of an idea!

Now, before you go on chatting with just anyone through email or messenger or the dating site’s chat function – take a look into THEIR profile. Make sure this is someone you want to strike up a conversation with – don’t waste anyone’s time and expect the same in return.

Now, what I believe is the KEY to online dating success – is being able to ‘chat/type’ the same way you would actually ‘speak’ if the person was in front of you. It always amazes me how often people who I know are very social and fun can come across as daft during a messenger conversation lol!! Try not to only give one word answers – have some questions that you’d like to ask. Toss the nerves aside, the benefit of online dating/chatting initially is that you remain somewhat anonymous... you don’t even have to worry about what you look like unless you venture into video chat ;o) (if you are on webcam chat.. make sure you’re presentable)...

Chatting through online dating can give you a lot of information in a short amount of time. This is a bonus as it saves people from wasting time if they discover something they aren’t keen on about the other person. It also can make you feel less inhibited to talk about things. On a real date there are always distractions – online the focus is the conversation and whether or not you feel the ‘click’.

When you feel comfortable meeting in person, do so in a public place during daytime hours if at all possible. Provide your own transportation initially as well.. have a friend check in on you at some point during the meet (maybe they can send you a text) in case you require an ‘out’. These are standard concepts when meeting a new person anyway... hopefully the person you were chatting with online turns out to be an honest representation of themselves. There are always people out there who have used photos from their ‘better days’ or who haven’t been completely honest with their relationship status, etc, etc... just be aware before you dive right in.

So keep that initial meeting short – coffee or a drink – not dinner. If all goes well, dinner can be next time. If what you are looking for is something casual and you wish to take things to another level – just be safe – going anywhere alone with a stranger poses threats – keep yourself protected at all times and in all ways ;o) Even if you use a reputable dating service you never truly know the person you are meeting initially so be smart.

Online dating can be a great way to branch out and it no longer holds the stigmas it once did. There are likely more couples meeting online as there are in bars now-a-days. Plus, you’ll likely know a lot more about the person you are meeting face to face then you ever could find out from someone you meet in a bar.

Sharpen up those typing skills – and open the door to the online possibilities!!!

Vote above, comment, subscribe, email me your topic suggestions or advice ??'s to chicktidbits@live.ca - thanks for reading!!!


Chick xo