A little somethin' new to think about...

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The two sides of jealousy...

I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying ‘jealousy is a wasted emotion’... well, maybe – but it certainly IS a powerful one when it is present. Some people pay no attention to jealousy and never seem to feel it themselves. If you are one of those people, consider yourself lucky but keep reading – as you are likely the minority and if you’ve had any relationship experience you have probably encountered jealousy even if that emotion isn’t initiated by your own feelings.

I take ownership of the fact that I have jealous tendencies. Even my astrological sign of Taurus suggests I am the jealous type – yeah, sometimes. I believe there are several things that fuel jealousy. Jealousy is ultimately stemmed from passion – passion for another person – raised emotions – fear – insecurity – longing – anxiety – low self esteem... Yes, all of these are true. I believe jealousy can also be a situational result.. in other words, an effect that can be triggered or has an initial cause. For me, jealousy comes out of the protective nature I have towards someone I care immensely for. It comes from the fear that something could ever take that away from me. It’s that sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you’ve had bad relationships before and then find someone you feel is amazing, fear of losing them can overwhelm any rational thought. OR, if you are like me and have previously experienced a great loss – you may be able to relate to the anxiety that goes along with losing those you are closest with – because you already know how crippling that pain can be.

The jealous kind are seeking reassurance.. Even if you have jealous tendencies, I believe if you are in a happy situation that will ultimately prevail and give you the confidence and security to overpower any jealous fears. Even the best of relationships can face situational jealousy. I always say, one of the best ways to think about your partner is to always aim to make them feel like the most important person in the room – in your life. The reason why I feel there are two sides to jealousy is that most jealousy does not evolve from nothing. If you know your partner is the jealous type are you willing to invest in reassuring them? If so, are you doing all that you can to alleviate the fear? Do you build them up and make them feel strong and confident with you? On the other hand, if you are the jealous one can you own up to that? Do you know how to take a step back and pull yourself out of the disaster thinking? Are you willing to be open about your feelings with your partner so that you can understand and appreciate each other’s needs? If you can work together, then you are ahead of the game.

Jealousy can bring a lot of tension to a relationship. One side fears a broken heart and the other side feels untrustworthy... If the couple can recognize that neither of these two views are true then that is the beginning of working together to stay strong. Ultimately taking the position that you want to be supportive of one another and loving to each other should take precedence over taking a defensive stance. Focus on what is helpful, on what will make you stronger and maybe jealousy will be kept at bay.

Never take what you have for granted, tomorrow is not as important as now. Vote on the poll, email me your suggestions for topics or questions to chicktidbits@live.ca comment, subscribe and come back often!!

C xo

1 comment:

Fred said...

As a former jealous type, I can tell you jealousy is about your own weakness. The weakness is simply that you know you might stray therefore you must stop your partner from being weak. So you ultimately push your own insecurity of cheating onto a partner that likely doesn't deserve it. Which typically turns out bad. Examples how:

1. you drive the partner away.
2. your partner starts feeling like they can't tell you everything.
3. your partner full fills the prophecy.

Other aspect of life you need to grasp is that we aren't kids anymore, with 6 billion people on the planet there IS someone else out there you will connect with if things end.

So to those with jealousy - buck up and get a hobby!