A little somethin' new to think about...

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Reuniting after a break up???.... NEVERRRRR!!!

Okay so this is one of my biggest rules of dating & relating... Never.. N-E-V-E-R.. ever reunite with someone you were once in a relationship with. We all know someone who has done this, or we ourselves have - those couples who are 'on again - off again' - 'break up then get back together' - the ones who explain the length of their relationship as "well, all together we've been together ***, minus the break ups of course." WHAT IS THAT?!?

Now, I'm not merely talking arguments here.. because EVERYONE has their differences and their fights - that's normal, that's life. (For the couple who you think doesn't ever fight - they lie!). Disagreements however, are different - they do NOT cross the line. When the words 'we're over, we're through, I don't want to be with you anymore, I'm done with this, I don't love you anymore, etc... are uttered - don't plan on calling the bluff. Why???? Because whatever gut-wrenching pain it may induce is guaranteed to be so much worse the next time it happens - and mark my words - it WILL happen again. Another clue, if you have not reconnected in some form within 24 hours of a fight - consider that a huge warning sign - the easier it is to be apart in times of struggle the more likely it is that the torment will repeat and be worse the next time around.

What happens when you've broken up, your friends & family have made their opinions of your dreadful ex known.. how do you (and your reunited partner) plan on dealing with that side of things as you plan on trying again. Now, don't kid yourself - I am fully supportive of giving a relationship every chance to survive and thrive - but a hard and fast rule of mine is that I do not break up and get back together again. It's an important topic to discuss with your partner, so that you are taken seriously if he/she ever considers walking away - that they should be sure before crossing the line.
If you are reading this and have experienced heart ache - believe me when I tell you - you ARE better off without that person. No one should feel they aren't worthy of being with a partner who WANTS to be there. Difficult as moving on may be, take it as a lesson and BELIEVE that you are no longer wasting time with the wrong person... which means, the right person is even closer to your door step! If you are the one who initiates the break up - don't fall into old routines just for security's sake. If you let go - do everyone a favour and don't play both sides of the fence. Bottom line for everyone involved, you break up for a REASON and a one time break is always enough.

Stay strong... move along ;o)

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Cheers xo!



Fred said...

I think it takes 2 to tango, so when 1 person cheats it doesn't mean that the relationship is over or all their fault. If the 2 are willing to resolve the problems then they can continue to have a meaningful fulfilling relationship getting beyond the cheating.

You hooked up for reasons but life can make you forget the reasons. Sometimes you simply need to work on remembering the reasons before pulling the trigger.

Hollie said...

Now perhaps, reuniting after a high school breakup isn't what you were really getting at but I'm going to have to I disagree with this one - being with my husband since high school, we had our share of break ups, one being almost year. I think that if we hadn't of broken up and played the field a bit, we wouldn't be in the wonderful relationship/marriage we are in now. Being apart for so long made us realize what we were missing and what we both needed from the each other. We matured over the time apart and it made us a better couple. We just 16years together...13 of those being AFTER the breakup...and almost 7 happily married =)

chick in heels said...

Hey Fred... Not everyone breaks up after being cheated on. My point, if one person is willing to walk away - and I mean BREAK UP not just cool down - it WILL most likely happen again. It is the rare couple who can repair and be stronger for it after a break up.

As for anyone sticking around after being cheated on - they must not believe they deserve better. My humble opinion... ;o) Thanks for commenting!!!!! Good points!! .....Chick

chick in heels said...

Hollie ;o)
My gut does say that highschool sweet hearts have a lot more challenges to face. Thing is, people are constantly growing - if you manage to grow together - GREAT! There is still an awful lot of growing up to be done when you meet that early on.

I wonder if things started fast and furious then the break came... or were they more casual, then a break then meeting again and connecting more intensely? For me, I would have to question why the first go around didn't stick...

Not all couples are the same and there are rare occasions where people get lucky. I tend to speak of the couples who I see as being in the majority - on this topic it's from my gut - this is a one shot deal - that's a personal stand I have. Disconnecting is to painful to endure more than once.

Thanks for commenting chickadee!!! Hope to get more of your comments soon.... Chick ;o)